I am going to preface this entry by saying: this is a theory I have come up with based on general observation and hearsay. This is not in reference to the skill, patience or aptitude of any of my exes.
Ok, maybe one of you.
Recently, I was having an incredibly candid conversation with one of my closest girlfriends. She has been single for quite some time now, swearing to only break her vow of singularity for someone more kick-ass than her previous suitors. (Not a bar set very high if you ask me.) She’s met some great guys who ticked all of the boxes, a few of whom she thought she might have a real chemistry with as well. Those lucky few have made it past the bedroom door, but after that, it all seems to go downhill.
The problem? Once into the bedroom it appears as though men are just as concerned about being “on” as women are. All of a sudden, the genuine and funny guy that you connected with through dinner turns into Ron Jeremy, over exerting his alpha-male side. It’s no secret men have always required and desired less foreplay than women, but this is something different.
I blame porn.
There is a reason the vast majority of women (who watch porn) watch girl-on-girl to avoid the creepy, sweating, unattractive men in pornography: the constant pounding on her lady bits without the slightest display of gentleness or attention to her erogenous zones isn’t going to get her anywhere. Yet, in the majority of heterosexual pornography these beautiful, young “actresses” have guys believing all it takes to tip a girl over the edge is bending her over for thirty seconds.
In a generation where boys and men have had porn only a click away, are they really starting to believe that this is all it takes?
When intimacy and the response between two people was what guided us through our first sexual experiences, it was much easier to spend time exploring what works and what doesn’t. In a world where we are being “educated” before we’ve had the chance to experience things first hand, it seems as though the exploration and true understanding are fading.
Of course, all of this fades once you’ve entered into a relationship and can start the backseat driving: “slow down”, “speed up”, “to the right”. Not to mention, the rainy Saturdays that lend themselves to staying in bed all day exploring. But in the meantime, how do we women gage sexual chemistry with jack-hammers in the bedroom throughout the first few experiences? How can we calm those eager men down, and have them just enjoy the female form before them
This is one topic I can’t even pretend to have some insight on… I would love any thoughts out there from you ladies. And from the men too!
